Lyricaltruth's Blog

The one thing I really want before I die, is to know my life has been of great value. How much time have I wasted? Too much, I think. What have I done that will last? Time to reflect on the last, almost 50, years.

I’ve raised four children and am raising a grandchild.

I’ve taught Sunday School classes for more than 25 years.

Tried to be a good friend, an encouraging wife to my husband, and a faithful follower of Jesus Christ – not compromising things I believe are important to Him.

I have written a few children’s books,

taught a few workshops,

I tutor 8th graders once a week,

and post on Facebook regularly!  (It’s my bully pulpit for conservative Constitutionalism and Bibilical worldview.)

I’ve had little success arguing for theological points of view, and have found that to be a waste of time – unless the person I’m speaking to is really searching. It’s the same politically. People don’t want to be challenged in their beliefs, they want to be supported. The greatest tool, I’ve learned, in persuasion, is the question.

I’ve learned that I really don’t know so much.

That I’m not very skilled or talented compared to others.

That I have little strength to persevere, and constantly need encouragement or motivation to continue – especially in the dark months of winter.

I’ve learned the value of good friendships.

I have learned to risk honesty, and entrust myself to God for help.

I’ve learned to finish things I start, and not to start things I can’t finish… usually.

I’ve learned about the importance of listening before speaking.

Does all this make my life significant? Will God say, “Well done”, when I see Him?

I have not learned to push  myself in discipline with something I really *hate* to do.

I’ve NOT learned to accept getting old – I strive against it.  It isn’t the years – but the effects of them I don’t like.

What I don’t know, is –

should I let go and let myself be the “old lady” (such an awful term!!!) or should I continue to strive against it?

Knowing that in our society an old lady is not respected. Not “heard”. Marginalized.  At a time when my circle could be growing ever larger, will it shrink? Will I withdraw and be ignored as insignificant? There must be a silver lining here somewhere.

Today, I am thinking about myself. Yes I am.  Feeling sorry for myself, I guess. It is such an effort to row against the currents of time. Is this how I should be spending my efforts? I keep vacillating between two courses. Shall I water the flowers tombed in ice upon the hill?

What course to take now. And not turn back again. I don’t want to waste any more time with false starts. I don’t know how many days there are to leave a legacy or make a difference. Shall I set my sights higher? Shall I be content?

How shall I know…